Lung Cancer Sucks

So, I had mentioned awhile ago that my crazy life has had a few more bumps than usually lately. Danial was by far a blow to my family and myself; and you would think that his passing would be enough for us to handle in awhile. But life had other plans. You know that saying? When it rains it pours? Yea. That about covers it.

On September 13 Danial was killed in Afghanistan. A week later we got the news that we were dreading. The worst case scenario that you would NEVER believe possible. My mom has cancer. Just just cancer. Adenocarcinoma. Lung Cancer. Hard to detect until it is too late. Deadly.

The weekend that we found out about Danny I went home (2 hours away) to spend time with family. My mom hadn't been feeling good for awhile. Like a sore throat and cough she couldn't shake. She had gone to the Dr. and they sent her home with some cough syrup. Two months later it was still there. One day while we were talking she started coughing and called me over. Blood. She was coughing up blood.

I freaked and made her promise that after Danial's memorial which was planned for that weekend she would go to the Dr. From there it was tests and the suspicion that something wasn't right. Still at this point I couldn't allow myself to even suspect that something "serious" was wrong. She is my mom. My superhero. My best friend. My secret keeper.

Then they started listing off MRI's and CAT scans and other scary tests. Mom had pain in her right side. Long story short. She has a partially collapsed lung that is being caused by a cancerous tumor. They did another test to see if it had spread to her brain which thankfully it hadn't. Just her bronchi and right lymphnode. Scary.

Still you have to have hope right? It hadn't spread to her brain. It was only in the right side. We know what it is so we can fix it. Right? We can fix this? There is no threat of me having to live my life without my mom? I can't. This is the woman I call every day on my way to work, call again on my lunch, and call again when I go home from work. At 8pm every night like clock work she calls to tell me goodnight. I am only 28 years old. I am too young to lose my Mom. My mom is invincible.

The chemo has started. My mom doesn't have hair anymore. But she still has her smile. Her beautiful, light up a room smile. As long as she has that smile...

But, we took a lot more pictures at Thanksgiving. We laughed more. We hugged more. It is like we are trying to squish in as many memories as possible. My dad, her husband of 28 years, cried. I cried with him. What happens if this is her last Thanksgiving? This is what makes me cry even as I write this.

It's so hard to talk about. Typing this is even harder because it makes it more real. I still have not lost hope though.

I want to not think of cancer as a death sentence, but instead another trial of life that we work through and conquer. We will get through this. And if the worst happens? I had 28 years together with the greatest Mom this world has ever known. I will always remember her laugh and kind words. Her hands. I will be grateful for the 28 years I had with her and appreciate that many others have had less. I will celebrate her life and mourn her death.

BUT SHE IS NOT GONE YET.I have another day to talk to her and get her amazing advice. A friend sent me a quote that has helped me through all of this and made me remember and positivity is the most important thing to keep through all of this:

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

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