I have set a goal for myself to try and be more positive about things. With all of the bad things that have happened lately it is necessary to make sure to keep things in focus. I think that we all spend so much time being upset about stupid things in life that we don't remember to appreciate the little joys. Life is just too short. I love my job. I love my life. I love my family. I love my KraftyKitten that has decided that playing with yarn is her new favorite past time.
I don't know if I am ready to talk about everything that has been going on in my life. I find that I like to hold things in and deal with them a bit at a time (if hoping they go away doesn't work. I have found now more than ever that doing the "Ignoring Game" doesn't work. I have been sick. I want to sleep more often then not. The boyfriend, Lovey,has mentioned that he is worried that I am starting to get depressed.
So lets rewind. One post is not enough to explain all of the things that have been going on in my little world but I guess I can start by telling you all a little bit about Danial.
Danial was my cousin but he was more like a brother to me. He was such a strong and positive person in my life. He always protected me and gave me the best advice. He was a strong link in our family chain and meant so much to me. Danny was my Hero. On September 13 our chain was broken forever. Danial was killed in the Wardack province of Afghanistan while fighting for our country. Danial died for a country that he loved and a cause that he believed was worth fighting for. Here is a link to a news article for Danny.
The day that I found out about Danny I was at work and got a text message from my Uncle that just said to call him; that it was important. That phone call changed my life. All I remember is answering the phone and him telling me that Danny was dead. The rest is a blur. I remember sobbing and telling him over and over that he was lying. That Danny couldn't be dead. He had to have been lying. How could Danial die? This wasn't the first time he had gone over there. He always came back. I was just thinking about him the day before and how I couldn't wait for him to come back stateside so I could call him. It had been so long since I had heard his voice. It was a nightmare...not reality. It was a lie.
I remember making it back to my apartment and collapsing on the floor in the kitchen. I don't know how long I sat there. Minutes? Hours? I talked to my uncle for awhile longer and then I talked to my Dad. I don't remember what we said. Lovey came home from work and picked me up off of the floor and carried me to the living room. And then he just held me. I was broken. My world shattered. Danial had promised me that he was going to come home. He always came home. It was a mistake. It wasn't him.
In the days that followed I remember clinging onto that hope. That we were going to get a call saying that it was someone else. He was in the Special Forces so he wasn't being identified correctly due to the secrecy of his job. Selfish I know. In hindsight I wouldn't wish this type of pain onto anyone...but at that time...it was all I wanted.
But it was him. I helped plan his memorial here in Oregon. I shook hands with high ranking officers. I hugged members of the Patriot Gaurd and thanked them for supporting our family. I listened to Taps and a gun salute. I cried until I thought it wasn't possible for more tears to come.
I went to Fayettevilel, North Carolina and hugged his wife and children whom I hadn't seen in years. I went to Fort Bragg and attended his formal military funeral service. I listened to stories from other soldiers that he served with. He touched so many peoples lives. Did he know how much he really meant to so many people? That people credit him for their lives...their freedom? I listened to Taps and a gun salute. And I cried until I thought it wasn't possible for more tears to come.
But they did. And they still do. Daily I think about Danial and miss him. Daily I thank him for being the man that he was and continuing to be there for me and my family as we continue to cope with losing him and dealing with another major family crisis (more to come on that later).
Danial loved life and he knew how to live it. From giving CPR to a St Bernard-Really he did, to snowboarding, traveling....loving those around him with every fiber of his being. He lived life with joy. Danny would not want us to grieve for him. He would want us to celebrate our life and live to our fullest extent every moment. To dream outloud. To follow our ambitions and challenge ourselves.
So that is the challenge that I have given myself. With everything going on I am trying so hard to remember and honor him. To challenge myself daily to live the most of life possible. To love with every fiber of my being those around me.
And when I have children? I will teach them that a Hero does not wear a cape and tights. They wear a uniform and serve for a country they love and to protect the freedom of those dearest to them. Heros fight daily to live life to the fullest and love with every fiber of their being.
Today myself, my family and a lot of others will be remembering Danny. The Pittsburg Steelers found out that Danial was a Steelers fan and they have flown his wife and kids out from Germany and are dedicating their game today to Danny and all the other soldiers that have and continue to serve our country in the Special Forces. So please join me in a Corona and some salt and vinegar chips, grill up a burger and have a great time watching the football game. Read this to find out how this dedication game here.
Also, if you think about it...send up a positive thought or prayer for our family.
We miss him. Our family chain is broken. Love you Danial.
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